Britain’s Got Talent, ITV1

Did we like it?
With a good balance of good and bad acts, this was one of the more entertaining audition shows.

What was good about it?
• The Simon Cowell-Susan Childs exchanges.
Susan: “I’m going to be saying some poetry about the hats I wear.”
Simon (looking depressed): “Just to be clear, all your poems are about hats?”
Susan: “Yes.”
Simon (looking uneasy): “OK.”
A few seconds later after all three buzzers had been pressed –
Simon (looking annoyed): “I thought it was a bit limited.”
Susan: “Limited??? I have hundreds of hats.”
Simon (looking suicidal): “Poems about hats is a bit limited.”
Susan: “Not if you’ve got a lot of hats.”
• The future is safe. Kids in hoodies aren’t all going to nick our mobile phones. They are going to dance around like Flava from Cornwall who “are inspiring to young people”. The heartwarming tale of the week.
• Ant and Dec’s admiration for Southlife – “They’ve both got a lot of guts, Beer guts!” Southlife, aka the unremarkable Sean and Mike, claimed their heroes were Westlife. “We can project it the same way they can…. But in our own way.” The result was a cacophony but their unanimous rejection was water off a duck’s back. “We’re going to come back even harder,” they vowed. Please don’t.
• Piers Moron got something right, letting delightfully camp old dear Tracy Lee ‘the new Biggins’ Collins perform the whole of Think Twice (with a Cilla Black impression thrown in for free).
• Simon Cowell’s verdict on club singer James Stone – “It was a little bit desperate.” Corny old James will be back, though.
• The Boogie Babes, but only because they danced to a T Rex hit.
• Daniel ‘the new Billy Elliot’ Pirie. Threw himself around superbly.
• Mimi the sheep’s stage fright, the Bang On drummers, the men somersaulting over a car and the camp Las Vegas routine – all crowd pleasers.
•The montage of dodgy dancers. The highlight was the lad who had to push his specs up his nose in mid routine.

What was bad about it?
• Usual complaint. “Oh what a start,” moaned Ant and Dec after a morning in Birmingham. Maybe the producers had put on all the naff acts together. Just a hunch.
• Little Lydia May’s Chitty Chitty Bang Bang routine. Yucky.
• The joylessness of six-year-old pianist Teresa. Had her favourite doll been kidnapped until she agreed to perform?

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