Eurovision Song Contest: Second Semi-Final, BBC3

What was good about it?
• Malta’s Morena singing Vodka. We wanted Malta to win after so many near misses and they should have made the final thanks to a song that crammed in lots of beats per minutes plus a strong melody. They were robbed. Watch it above to see what we’ll be missing on Saturday.
• Iceland’s Euroband kicked things off with some camp ginger pop with a nifty rhyme of years, fears and tears.
• Sweden’s catlike Charlotte Perrelli clutched a phallic microphone and performed a powerful pop song which could be a winner.
• Turkey’s Mor ve Ötesi: it was nice to see some guitars, which were deployed on a strong rock track with a U2ish tinge
• Ukraine’s Ani Lorak (it’s Karolina backward) was very slinky, as were her four male dancers, on the most powerful dance anthem of the night.
• Switzerland’s Paolo Meneguzzi, a nice-looking guy with a nice-sounding song that began and ended as a strong ballad but was perky and poppy in the middle. Sadly, he failed to qualify.
• Denmark’s Simon Mathew. We liked his “celebrate the good times” cry – and the rest of this Maroon 5 soundalike of the night.
• Portugal’s Vânia Fernandes, a big girl with a big voice and a big ballad – but probably little chance.
• Belarus’s Ruslan Alehno. There’s always one song with an Abbaesque melody and Hasta La Vista was it. Not unpleasant; shame about the leather trousers.
• Czech Republic’s Tereza Kerndlová who wore skimpy attire. And sang a reasonably strong girlpop pleaser.
• Paddy O’Connell was funnier tonight. On a member of the queenie audience: “He’s left his girlfriend behind that man”. On the leather trouser overload: “There’s not a cow in this town still alive.”

What was bad about it?
• Albania, Latvia, Georgia and Croatia qualified while much better entries – from Malta especially – missed out. Sometimes Eurovision can be sickening.
• Lithuania’s Jeronimas Milius, who committed so many crimes: ponytail, mullet, leather trousers, naff shirt, ostentatious jewellery, painful ballad…
• Latvia’s Pirates Of The Sea, the naff novelty act of the night were also the kings of the key change. The spirit of Rednex lives on.
• Albania’s Olta Boka, a 16-year-old girl who looked 30 and wailed through an underwhelming rock ballad.
• Croatia’s Kraljevi Ulice & 75 Cents: old folk with some folksy rubbish.
• Bulgaria’s Deep Zone & Balthazar. If The Prodigy were forced at gunpoint to enter Eurovision, they’d sound a bit like this. And they’d set fire to their decks like this mob did.
• Cyprus’s Evdokia Kadi, a typical Cypriot song. And that’s a bad thing.
• Georgia’s Diana Gurtskaya. She’s blind; she wants world peace; she sings well. Still didn’t like it though, which probably means we’re evil.
• Hungary’s Csézy. Manhattan Transfer fans might like ths. We’re not. We didn’t.
• FYR Macedonia’s Tamara, Vrčak & Adrijan. We’ve run out of ways to criticise the naff entries. Let’s just say we hated this.

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