Britain’s Got Talent, ITV1

Did we like it?
A bit of a ramshackle edition with the auditions crammed in before the umming and aahing over the semi-final line-up.

What was good about it?
• We think most of the acts we liked got through to the live events, although the selection segment was so rushed – needlessly so – that it was hard to see who slipped through the net.
• Andrew the singing plumber was fantastic, deserving a standing ovation for his David Grayish voice and self-effacing smile.

What was bad about it?
• “You’ve got three yeses” being exposed as a big fat lie. It should be “You’ve got three maybes” because the “successful” acts hadn’t got through to a second stage and a chance to shine again. They had merely been given the dubious honour of gathering in a vast room with the other 177 “successful” acts so they could be filmed going through agony before the selection of the 40 semi-finalists (isn’t that an oxymoron?) was revealed by the judges.
• The Deans of Magic would have been hilarious as a Peter Kay parody but they were for real. Amanda was spot on with her “a bit Readers’ Wives” comment as a rather seedy chap did a trick with a rather past-it lady in lingerie. “I would describe what we’re doing as a little racy,” he had told Ant and Dec. Nauseous was the word he required. Somehow, Piers and Simon let them get through – although they were one of the “successful” acts who soon became unsuccessful along with the young Welsh comedian.
• “The stakes couldn’t be higher” – and all the rest of the hyperbole from Ant and Dec.
• Piers being idiotic by wanting the boy who attached spoons to his face to go through yet rejecting the Urban Gypsies, the jolly bunch of Stockport lady bellydancers.
• It seemed like a lot of kiddie dancing acts got through – we’d rather see the non-snooker playing dog again than bunches of made-up schoolgirls in skimpy skirts.

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