Who Dares, Sings!, ITV1

Did we like it?
There are thousands of people for whom the greatest experience in their lives is standing in a pub performing I Will Survive/New York New York/I Got You Babe and pretending they are on TV/in Las Vegas/popular. Therefore, we must applaud ITV for delivering a programme for such people. We are not like that, though (okay, we’ll do Ballroom Blitz under duress) and found this new game show to be a complete bore.

What was good about it?
• Whenever we feel our life sucks, we now have the consolation of knowing that its suckiness is minisucle in comparison with the lives of Ben Shephard and Denise Van Outen who are forced to make a few quid presenting dross such as this. Denise deludes herself into thinking she can sing; Ben deludes himself into thinking he’s a right good laugh.
• It gives some airtime to northerners.
* Denise and Ben dancing. They should be forced to watch that back with the threat of being whipped if they blush. They’d have weals for weeks.

What was bad about it?
* There is hardly any entertainment to be had from amateur singers (and 90% of professional ones). If we must suffer karaoke, a pint on the table and one on the way is essential.
• The computer, SAM, which decided which singer hit the “hot” notes best seems to be tone deaf. The bald, fat man who seems unable to read somehow emerged as the winner with £5k in his pocket to invest in more pies. He was only marginally better than “the most entertaining estate agent that I’ve ever met” (a cheesy Ben Shephard quote) who performed I Believe I Can Fly as if he’d never heard it in his life.
* Why did the audience boo the benefits officer? Most of them looked as if they had benefits officers to thank for providing the money so they could buy something tacky at Primark.
• Whatever happened to the propsoed ruling that phone-in competition questions shouldn’t be stupidly simple? Robbie Williams used to be in which band? Even your typical high court judge could answer that.

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