Did we like it?
Enough already! Frankly, we’re bored by having the same people singing at us every Saturday night – especially as their performances are getting worse, not better.
What was good about it?
• Ruth got the boot despite being exhalted by the judges for her unimpressive, offkey rockerita (!!!) version of I Love Rock’n’Roll and noisy Always (never again, please). At least the operator of the wind machine can have some time off now.
• Knowing that there are only a couple more weeks of this before the winner is announced, has a Christmas number one and then struggles to have a decent career. We can’t see any of the final four making it really big.
• After describing last week’s farce as “sensational”, Simon momentarily got his critical faculties back to describe JLS’s Hit Me Baby One More Time as “limp and lame”. Even Cheryl was provoked into her first negative reaction of the series when she said “it was a horrible song for you”. No one made a fuss about the hellish key change, though.
• The Miley Cyrus performance was reasonably good.
• The fact that Alexandra, the best of the final four, will not be departing this earth just yet. “I don’t want to leave before the semi-final'” she told us. “If I did, that would kill me.” Even she failed to wow us this week with Toxic in a red mac and some boring ballad we don’t think we’ve heard before. She survived so she can still “literally taste my dream”.
What was bad about it?
• The fawning adulation Britney Spears was given by the horrible over-excited Dermot was ridiculous, especially as comeback single Womanizer is woeful.
• The misuse of words such as iconic and devastated.
• Lousy Louis still banging on about JLS being “the best group we’ve ever had on X Factor”. They are too clean cut, wear crap clothes, don’t gel particularly well together and have the world’s lousiest gimmick (favourite colours). Their version of You Light Up My Life would be a hit single, he reckoned. In your stupid dreams, Louis.
• Eoghan’s Sometimes was the worst X Factor performance since Daniel got kicked off (“a bit pitchy” said Dannii, while Cheryl loved it, of course) and his attempt at High School Musical in the classic American songs category was unerringly flat.
• Our love of Diana has almost entirely disappeared. We didn’t mind her cover of REM’s Everybody Hurts but her version of Britney’s I’m Not a Girl was a nasal nightmare.