Greatest Album Ever: The Results, MTV

Did we like it?
Edith Bowman’s opening line immediately revealed the title of the programme to be a misnomer. Greatest Album Ever (since the birth of Music Television in 1981) isn’t quite as catchy, though. And surely a record needs to be have been around for a while, and reappraised before it is labelled a ‘classic’? Not according to the public who voted for this list – two records from the last three years made it. The thing about these programmes is that they’re entirely subjective – surely no-one in the country is going to have exactly the same Top Ten albums as was revealed here? And that’s why the howls of derision will always outnumber the appreciative nods. So, here’s the custard.tv’s take on it. One question though, where was Love and Money’s ‘Strange Kind of Love’? It’s a travesty that’s not in there for a start…

The Countdown
· “The only female artist on the list,” says Trevor Nelson. I know what you’re thinking. Got to be Kate Bush’s ‘Hounds of Love’, hasn’t it? Wrong. ‘Back to Black’ by Amy Winehouse was the album in question. Clearly, no-one over the age of 30 had voted. Come on kids, whilst obviously a good record, Ms Winehouse’s offering isn’t even the best album with the words “Back” and “Black” in the title, let alone the 10th Greatest Album ever…
· Arctic Monkeys ‘Whatever People Say I Am…’ at number 9. Hmmm. The kids have struck again.
· We were amazed that U2’s ‘Joshua Tree’ only got to number 8. And at least Trevor Nelson took Bono to task for his incessant pontificating.
· Oasis were at number 7 with ‘Definitely Maybe’ – and No 6 with ‘What’s the Story?’. Some of the hyperbole uttered by Nelson, Bowman and Zane Lowe was enough to induce permanent nausea. Here’s a gem from Zane. “Could Definitely Maybe be the greatest debut album ever? Could Liam be the best front man ever? Could Oasis be the best group ever?” That’ll be a resounding ‘No’ on all counts, Zane. Combining bits of The Beatles and The Rolling Stones does not make you the best group ever.
· Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind’ at number 5 – listening to Kurt Cobain’s anguished, repeated howl of ‘A Denial!” at the end of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’, stills raises the hairs on the back of our neck.
· Radiohead’s ‘OK Computer’ at number 4 – touted as the ‘killer of Britpop’, this was another genre-busting record – even it it’s not to everyone’s taste.
· Guns n’Roses ‘Appetite for Destruction’ was at number 3 – another entry that left our collective eyebrows about five miles up our foreheads. “Sweet Child of Mine’ aside, was there another track on there that Axl’s Rose strangulated yelp didn’t ruin? That’s leaving aside the dodgy misogyny of most of the lyrics.
· Whoosh! There went any credibility this chart had. Number 2? Craig David’s ‘Born to Do It’. Yes, you read that right. Number 2 Greatest Album Ever. Craig. David. Fortunately the hosts were suitably surprised/sceptical/embarrassed about it. Like us, when you see the album cover, you probably expect to see a fake kestrel hanging off his wrist.
· Before all that adverse publicity, appearance-altering surgery, and self-aggrandizing ‘King of Pop’ nonsense, we were reminded of Michael Jackson’s talent with the colossal ‘Thriller’ securing the number 1 slot. Unlike some of the other records in the list, (Craig David? I mean, what is wrong in the world…) the sheer number of classic tunes on Thriller meant it deserved its place in the Top Ten.

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