X Factor: the best of the twitterverse

It’s a fact of modern society that television is no longer just a moment to be shared with friends, flatmates and family – we now have a new internet friend base – Facebook and Twitter. There’s a certain amount of fun in reading people’s tweets whilst you watch ‘Event Telly’.

I follow a lot of funny, funny people who live tweet X Factor so I present to you, with pleasure, the best of Saturday night’s tweets!

And – here are the Judges’ Twitter accounts: Gary Barlow; Tulisa Contostavlos; Kelly Rowland (Louis Walsh unknown so far!)

 Greg Stekelman 

It’s live, isn’t it? So if I tweet Dermot now I’ll be able to hear his phone beep live on air.


Here’s the twist -each judge has to make a sock puppet of the act they want to see killed by public stoning 

Amelia Lilly is first up – singing Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean. Wearing a pair of shorts cut so short that the pocket is hanging out (is this the new fashion?) and a short red leather jacket, she’s not doing so well. The light pink hair clashes horribly.

 Steven Baxter 

I’m happy with changing gender of songs etc but this one is specifically about paternity…

Tulisa thinks it’s a brilliant performance. Gary thinks it was great. It wasn’t amazing though. He comments on her age – amazing that she’s opening X Factor Live.

Amelia’s getting amazing feedback from the audience but I’m not convinced. I’m also not convinced that she’s really 16. She looks about 28!

 Al Murray 

The child is not her son. And to think she’d get a flat if it was.


Jonny Robinson is up next. The underdog who would never win in a million years is enjoying the thrills of a pseudo celebrity style. But has Louis made the right decision to put Jonny in his final 4, as a 45 year old wannabe pop star? We’ll find out.

 The X Factor 

The  asks: Did Amelia open the show in style? (Answers with the hashtag may appear on the show)

Jonny has had a makeover that involves tin foil. Singing Cher’s ‘Believe’, he’s a typical Louis act – made a mockery of for laughs.

 Kelly Alyse 

“You look like you’re about to go in the oven” 

 Al Murray 

That’s the most extravagant closet anyone ever exited


That’s right Johnny. We don’t need you anymore 

Tulisa’s first up to judge. “You are 100% my guilty pleasure”. Kelly “I wanted you to come a little bit closer for me”. Not sure what she means by that. Gary: “Every time you’ve sung for me I’ve been blown away”. Gary says he is disappointed by the transformation of Jonny into a circus act. It’s Wagner all over again.

 Tim Jeffries 

OH MY GOD THIS IS AWFUL. And, not in a funny way. How the hell did Louis let him do this? Jeez. 

Gary thinks Jonny’s act is too cheap. “It costs a lot to look this cheap, Gary” retorts Jonny. Whilst I thought Jonny’s appearance was camp and awful, I hope he survives this round, unlike Kitty and Frankie who I want to be consigned to hell.


“He loves the Pet Shop Boys” is the new “he manages Boyzone” in the euphemism stakes 

Now it’s time for Rhythmix who’ve had their locks chopped or shaved off in the name of pop fame. They look awful. Any originality they’ve had is gone. Singing Nicki Minaj’s ‘Super Bass’, it wasn’t great.

Tulisa – “you stand up for all the women across the UK”. Really?
Kelly thinks the chemistry and dance moves need to be made better. Gary thinks they’re already the best girl band ever to have graced the X Factor stage. I can’t remember any past ones, so he may be right.

 Dan Wootton 

No other judge would be brave enough to go with a Minaj song either. That’s why Tulisa is there. 

 Sam MacGregor 

Doesn’t Tulisa have some sort of issue with people rapping other people’s lyrics? 

 Paul Chambers 

“It’s week one, you’re already the best girl group that’s ever performed ten feet from me in the last five seconds.” 

Frankie Cocozza is next up. I am not afraid to admit that I loathe him, so I shall be judging him harshly. “Gary wants me to do my best”, he says. He admits that he’s lairy and cocky. At least he’s self aware, eh? Singing Ed Sheeran’s ‘A Team’, I’m disappointed. I love this song. He seems to emit a little breath at the end of every utterance. It’s being a real irritant. He’s not actually singing. He’s speaking in (almost) tune.

 Dan Owen 

Frankie. The boy with sexual conquests tattooed on his bum. Girls love him. Would boys love a girl with tattoos like that? Hmm. 

 Jo Hemmings 

Styled into the lovechild of Pete Doherty and Noel Fielding…  
Louis thinks he’s got a great voice, Tulisa thinks it’s a great song choice and he has great energy. One negative – not keen on the guyliner. Kelly thinks he exudes artistry. I’m going off her already.
Gary thinks Frankie is ‘a real artist’. So far, I’m not impressed with any of the acts.

 Chris Addison 

He’s a good looking lad. He looks like they’ve given Mr. Potato Head a new wig accessory. 

 paul bassett davies 

You made that song your own, in the sense that you murdered it and wore its skin like a demented serial killer. 
Sophie Habibis is singing for the girls. I have high hopes for her. She’s sitting on a beautiful white grand piano, against a backdrop of a moon. Singing Katy Perry’s ‘Teenage Dream’ in a different arrangement, she’s all class. I don’t like the new arrangement, but there’s no doubt that she’s got a lovely voice. I’ll be interested to know what the judges think of her song choice.

 Chris Addison 

“She has this amazing voice that speaks for itself.” Stephen Hawking’s got one of those. 

 tom jamieson 

Is anyone liveblogging the twitter feed of the twitter liveblogging of 

The tweets are dying down as people get more into the show or.. more appropriately… switch off in droves.

Johnjoe Kerr (does he have a brother called Juan?) is next up, singing Kinks classic ‘You really got me’ with a real lack of passion. Unfortunately this song is always dull and doesn’t show much of a range.

Tulisa starts off with a feedback sandwich – build up how he looks amazing and how he has lots of energy then slams him with his disappointment. Kelly wasn’t impressed either.. Johnjoe agrees that the song choice was wrong. Shame. Gary thinks he will being going home – apparently he’d made Louis’ decision to drop someone very easy.

 Sali Hughes 

Even Louis doing sympathetic sidehead at Jonjo. Dark times. 

 Stuart Dredge 

It would have been Game Over on SingStar already by this point in the song 

 Helen Lewis-Hasteley 

Well, now we know what that cat in the bin must have sounded like. 

 India Knight 

Not going to bang on, but: Jade. V unfair.  (re: Jade being eliminated at boot camp)
It’s now the turn of the ‘totes amaze’ (what, Tulisa?) Two Shoes. One of them is pregnant. They both wear rather a lot of makeup. But how will they sing? Will they be very, very camp? 
A pink car. With ‘shoe’ above both the seats. Horrible. I can’t even figure out what they’re singing. I don’t know this song and I can’t focus on the screen because of the shine coming from their garish eyelids. Wait. It seems to be a mash up. Girls Aloud ‘Something Kinda Ooh’ by Girls Aloud. 

 Eamonn Forde 

These two are Jedward’s nans 


I think Louis is a regular at this carwash 


Is this still the adverts?  

Gary: “Karaoke night in Romford”. Tulisa says he doesn’t know how to have fun. 
Unfortunately these girls look like their faces have been spray painted through a badly cut face mask.
James Michael – another hat guy, like Matt Cardle, his hat is a substitute for a personality. Singing The Beatles’ ‘She’s Got A Ticket to Ride’. Dull.

 The Media Blog 

‘I grew up in a rented house’:  is really short on sob stories this year
Louis is not impressed with the song choice yet Tulisa was ‘blown away’. Kelly – “you look like an artist”. That’ll be the hat. Not the best song choice – Gary thinks he reinvented the song choice and congratulates him for using a real instrument on stage. James: “I tried to feel it in me heart”
No interesting tweets for James Michael. Says it all, really.

Misha Barton is one of my favourites, so I hope she doesn’t disappoint me. I think she’s going to divide people – there’s already a division in my household.

Singing Adele’s ‘Rolling in the Deep’, she looks fierce and has some odd, adrogenous people in rubber suits. Dressed as the Queen of the Tabloids, apparently, she’s added a ‘twist’ to the song. I don’t like it. I want to but I think this is misjudged, given how popular Adele’s songs are. I don’t think this will go down well.

 Emma Jayne 

I find Adele so boring, so frankly this performance is a massive improvement on the original for me. 

 Mark White 

Not bad wee Misha.. and a nice bit of environmentally friendly paper recycling going on there as well 

 Hugh Wright 

Are we entirely certain that Misha B isn’t in fact Paije from last year in drag? 
Now we’re back to the bands. Looks like Nu Vibe‘s had a lot of flack from the judges and the production team. Not expecting great things but they’re singing ‘Beautiful People’ by Chris Brown. Sorry, did I say ‘singing’? I mean murdering. But at least they’ve got the levels wrong and you can’t hear them all that well. Veering between awful and remarkable, the only good part is the soundtrack, which is lovely.

 Dan Hayes 

This reminds me of the nineties. I think the choreographer just told them to free-style 

Kelly is impressed. I can’t see what she’s impressed by. Gary thinks the song choice was great because you couldn’t tell how bad they were behind it.

 Julian Power 

Louis, could you just open your stupid gob & let a bunch of flaccid clichés tumble out? Thanks, that’s great 

 Greg Stekelman 

It’s a shame four of the acts have to die. But their bodies provide vital nutrients for the surviving acts.

 Greg Stekelman 

This is the musical equivalent of someone keying your car. AND YOU DON’T EVEN OWN A CAR.

(You should definitely follow @themanwhofell – saves me ctrl+c, ctrl+v-ing)

 Christopher Billett 

I don’t think I’ll manage another hour. They’re putting Kitty last to make us keep watching, aren’t they? 

(I think the answer to that is YES – but she’s the one I love to hate)

Now we have Marcus Collins. I quite like him. He’s a hairdresser from Liverpool with an odd tattoo across his chest. It looks Latin. He’s had a tough time in the press, apparently. He’s wearing a bow tie and he’s actually pulling it off. He’s singing Maroon 5’s ‘Moves like Jagger’. I quite like it. I’m not keen on the ladies wearing rubber venetian blind dresses behind him, but he’s got charisma and it’s a good song choice.

 Sali Hughes 

One of the better performances of the night. Who knew?  

 James Ball 

At home with family. X-Factor now appears to be roughly 11 years long. With a break halfway through each song. 

 Tim Stewart 

Once again twitter is making  bearable. It’s toe curling excruciating this week but the wife loves it
Sami Brookes – “I should have picked her in the first place” says Louis. Yes, Louis, you should have. But you didn’t. Because Goldie was the comedy act you wanted. I start to suspect that Louis is actually the fall guy, intentionally choosing stupid acts because the producers like to keep the haters interested. Louis is just the same as QI’s Alan Davies in that respect.
The new Mary, Sammi Brookes is a brilliant singer. Tulisa gets “a strong female energy”. “An overwhelming amount of putting it down tonight”, says Kelly. Kelly wants her as part of her group. Apparently Louis and Sami have a great connection. Gary says that if she’s not there next week, he’s leaving the show. Louis has to admit that he chose Goldie over Sami. Sami’s the one to watch in Louis’ group. (Ultra Nate’s ‘You’re free to do what you want to do’, in case you want to know)

 The X Factor 

Woah. Gary. What if Louis makes that a legally binding verbal contract? Witnessed by millions?

 Gary Bainbridge 

She would be ace singing the cover versions on Strictly Come Dancing. 

 Julian Power 

Louis “Totally, totally believes” in Sami Brooks… now. 

 Christopher Billett 

A nation waits. Poised to start hating on Kitty. The anticipation is palpable. 

It’s now ‘The Risk‘ – the supergroup Tulisa cut and shut from two previous, failed bands. How will they gel together? They seem to excel in singing into plastic water bottles.

They’re singing Plan B’s ‘She Said’. They’re doing an alright job, but Charlie sticks out more than the others. He’s more of a lead singer than the others who just sound mediocre in comparison.

 Sali Hughes 

Very good song choice. Wiping the floor with their category. 

 Adam Postans 

Hey, it’s “One Fifth Of The Keys Plus Three Solo Boy Rejects Subsequently Three-Fifths Of Bootcamp Product Lifeline The Risk”. 


Wait for it ‘I’m glad I took the Risk’ … 

 Stuart Dredge 

What they bring to the table is the fact that they’re all the same height. Like chair legs. 

Tulisa says that they are all credible musicians and reveals that some of them actually write, which is quite impressive and unusual for this show.

So the last boy is up – Craig Coulton. They’ve redone his hair which accentuates his ears. But I like it. He looks good. He’s singing ‘Jar of Hearts’ by Christina Perri. It’s a beautiful, haunting song and he’s doing it justice. He looks like his confidence has grown and he looks really smart in all black. He’s getting some real emotion into the song and he looks like he might burst into tears. That’s real passion. Very, very impressed. “Formidable” said Louis. There was the inevitable weight comment. Typical. Tulisa says he’s an amazing vocalist and he looks surprised. I really like Craig.

 Dan Wootton 

There is no way one of the X Factor judges would ever put one of the more fuller figured female contestants on a diet. 
ONLY TWO MORE ACTS? I’m not sure I have the energy…. I haven’t even had me dinner yet..

 Sali Hughes 

My fringe has grown two inches since tonight’s  began.


Kitty and Janet – the two sides of my personality 

 Kitty X factor

I’m in the headlining slot b*tches. I want to thank my supporting acts 
I’m going to refrain from commenting on Kitty. I don’t think I can say anything without being terribly rude. I’m gritting my teeth.

“I always wanted to be a controversial performer” she says.

Kitty Brucknell is singing Queen ‘Who Wants To Live Forever’.

 Paul Chambers 

Her face upsets my soul 

 Who? What? Why? 

She’s got the eyebrows of Ming the Merciless! Why isn’t she singing Flash Gordon? 

 Greg Stekelman 

Kitty serves as a lightning rod for the nation’s hatred. It is unfortunate but necessary.

 Robbie Collin 

Kitty: “Criticism makes me a better performer.” Get on Twitter love, you’ll be the next Whitney Houston. 

 Mark White 

It takes a lot for someone to make Katie Waissel look normal 

And.. finally, I’m closer to eating my dinner… Janet Devlin is last. The new Diana Vickers, Janet has coloured her hair and undergone a small transformation. Now she’s a ginger. She’s singing Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ – a perfect song choice for her. Beautiful rendition.



 Adam Postans 

Hate to say it, but the other 15 might as well go home now. 

 Greg Stekelman 

“I will try to fix you,” sings Louis under his breath, referring to the competition.

 The Daily Quail 

Poor girl can’t sing a note without hiccuping. Must be dreadful. 
AND THAT’S IT! If you enjoyed the live tweet collection, let us know. If you didn’t, tweet me: @Tannice_ and I’ll block you. #JOKE
Lastly, you should follow the people I’ve quoted above and add them to a list called ‘X Factor Tweets’. Brilliant, brilliant stuff. 


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